Two Mothers, One Journey: Tonight I wanna cry...

Friday, October 28, 2011

Tonight I wanna cry...

Subject : Tonight I wanna cry.....

Posted Date: : Jul 3, 2006 9:41 PM

So I have been doing so well these last two days, but you know what they say one step forward two steps back, that pretty much sums it up. I am missing Jaleel and missing all that I will never see him do. I miss never knowing what his voice will sound like, hearing his first laugh, or seeing what he would grow up to look like, and never knowing if he'll grow up to be a good man like his father. I'll never know if he was gonna be funny and sarcastic like me, or calm and collected like his Dad. What would he have grown up to be. Would he have changed the world? What would his interests have been. I know he'll never feel pain, hurt, or disappointment. But at the same time he'll never get to walk, run, never swim, he'll never get in trouble and drive me crazy,lol. There are so many things he'll never have the joy and sorrow of experiencing. Would he have been a momma's boy or a kiss-up like his brother Nicholas,lol! Would he have compassion for others like his big sister Michaela. I found this song on Myspace music and put it on my page. Here are the lyrics to how I am feeling. It's hard for me to show my feelings(like the song says) must get that from my mom, thanks Mom,lol!

Tonight I wanna cry:

~ {verse 1} ~
Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

~ {chorus} ~
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To Hell with my pride let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

~ {verse 2} ~
Would it help if i turned a sad song on
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

~ {chorus} ~
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To Hell with my pride let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry!!!!

~ {chorus} ~
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To Hell with this pride let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry!

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About Jennell

My name is Jennell. I am a chronically ADD mother of four, long term shacking up with the man of my dreams (really ten years in and I still love the way he smells), have some furbabies and four babies of my own. My oldest daughter Kirsten is 13 (going on twenty one!). Kinsley is my second daughter and the sweetest 6 year old ever! Teague is my three year old son. I also have a daughter, Naylen, who would be five years old now. We lost her to SIDS in 2006.
I am not the kind of person who can find the tape and the last pair of scissors I located I tripped over. I have never made it home from the grocery without the bread getting squished. I love to make lists I never complete, chalkboard paint addict, future Country Living feature (I live in a decrepit old, drafty house that I am s...l...o...w...l...y... remodeling, big fan of run on sentences and fragments, have poor punctuation and am pretty repetitive, left handed, live in the South and hate sweet tea (yes I am a traitor), and when I follow politics I am a liberal Democrat with enough parental sense to wish I was a Republican.
I am starting school to pursue my nursing degree. I hope to use my career platform to share safe sleep strategies more successfully. I currently run a small non-profit called Naylen's Hope. We offer baby beds for families in need of one and safe sleep seminars for interested groups.

About Stacey

My name is Stacey and I live in Maine with my wonderful husband Jason, for three years. I have three children Michaela who is a hormonal 13 year old and my son Nick who is a mathematical wizard. I also have another baby Jaleel who was born May 18, 2006 and tragically died June 13, 2006 at 26 days old due to a bed sharing accident.

It has been over five years since my son died and now I educate people on safe sleep and in Jan I will be going to school to work towards my MSW (Masters in social work). I love educating the public on safe sleep and want to do it as my career.

Two Journeys...A Common Path

This is two stories really. Two different women from different places, in different life situations who ended up living through the same nightmare of child loss. This is a compilation of the private journal writings from two different women as they struggled through the loss of their infant children. Naylen and Jaleel were both born and died in 2006. Almost immediately we, Jennell and Stacey, began writing, chronicling our grief journey. We didn't know each other when we lost our children. We met later, crossing paths because of our shared loss. We have both decided to share our private writings in hopes that other people grieving can see that some aspects of grief are universal. Perhaps you can identify with something from our journeys. There is comfort in community and with grief there is nothing off limits, no uncharted territory, and anything goes.